TL;DR The Golden Saviors defeat Xi’an Vu, Taran knocks another name off his list… They lose Bradek and Traavor but gain Eloric Jor and Capt Quavos as well as a safe room in the Spicy Harlot. They discover a sinister plot that must take them to Magehelm. They summon a blue dragon. And then kill it dead.
The Golden Saviors find themselves awake and aware in the magical yet mysterious Yorokobu Homu after enduring/enjoying the delights/horrors of their porcelain escorts. Jeric and Santos resisted the enchantment all night while the rest of the gang slept in a beautiful magical slumber and woke rested, even Ax who had a very unsettling night in a Gnome orgy.
After breakfast, they were lead by their stereotypically racist hosts up towards the Masters lair where he has been awaiting their visit. Still swayed by the magical spells of the previous night, each warrior sees their ideal image of paradise, Taran sees his dojo, Bradek, his barracks, Ax sees Madolyne Elias’ summer home where he began training in the arcane and Traavor sees a patch of the Nightshade Forest near Bergamont’s Garden. Un-affected by the magic, Jeric, Santos and Alera see an endless stark white room with a large table. The boys are without their armor, save for the three that did not sleep.
Seated at the table, they are greeted by George Takei “Oh My” and more porcelain doll-guards and a very nervous looking gnome, Fenbell Tinkspinner, seated at a large table. “Please, have a seat.”
“Warriors, Why are you here?”
“We have business with the gnome,” says Santos.
The George Takei turns his attention to Taran. He asks him about the false name that he’d given earlier, Peter White.
Taran asks the master “ What is your name?”
“I think you know my name Mr. White. Is it not why you came here? Tell them my name, Taran the Shamed. Tell your friends why you are really here. Tell them my name”
Dag yo. These two have a history. Taran senses this is turning sour and attempts to leave to go get his weapons and armor. But the magic is too strong.
Santos, not affected by the charm, attempts to cast dispel magic on the room. Xi’an Vu snaps his fingers and tries to cast a trap spell binding the warriors to the arms of the chairs. The Golden Saviors all roll will power and resist the spell. Expect Alera who is stunned in her chair (four rounds).
Santos’ dispel magic works for Traavor and Ax. They awake from the illusion. Roll for initiative fuckers.
With blinding speed three of the porcelain guards converge on to Santos hissing and spitting. Their eyes turn blood red and fangs jut from their mouths. Vampires!
Xi’an Vu tackles the cleric, pinning him to the ground. He is dog piled by the Vampires who attack him with Kamas hidden in their kimonos. The attack renders Santos weakened. Fucked actually. Each attack does vampiric damage taking away AC and strength.
Xi’an Vu cries, “Taran, defend your master!” and tries to mind control Taran into joining him in the attack. Taran resists and as a result breaks himself free from the enchantment. As he regains control he is MOTHERFUCKING PISSED.
The rest of the vampires turn their attention to Travor and Taran and Jeric. Vampiric damage abound, save for Jeric, who dodges.
Ax moves away from the pack and then attacks from the periphery with Fireball. Burn bitches! As he lights them up, their kimonos burn away revealing hairy, undead gruesome-ness.
Bradek uses Improved Bull Rush to knock one of the attackers off of Jeric. Jeric then uses Dimension Hop to move Santos free and out of harms way. Santos is wounded and bleeding like a stuck pig but now its his turn.
Santos says fuck you undead and uses Sun Burst! Hadouken! “The burst results in the destruction of any undead creature specifically harmed by bright light.” Such as Vampires. Holy-Moley. What starts as a small ball of pure light emitting from Santos fingertips develops into a large sphere of holy terror. It turns inward onto itself imploding like a super nova. All but one of the vampires immediately disintegrates into a pile of dust including Xi’an Vu. The remaining vampire, realizing the awesome power of Santos turns into gas and flees in terror. This battle got “turnt” real, real quick.
The dust settles. Taran and Ax level. Hoo-Ray.
Taran approaches Xi’an Vu’s ashes and kicks the pile of ashes irreverently into the air scattering. Another name crossed off the list.
Santos tries to subdue the remaining vampire in its gas form with Dance of the Gay Unicorn but seriously… No way. With Xian Vu dead, the enchantment is done and the true form of the room reveals itself. In the middle of the room a great sword of magical power is revealed. It is crude and barbaric. Santos again tries to stop the gaseous form with Wall Of Light as it is escaping back through the door. As the gas reaches the door a vent appears on the floor and the gas escapes down into the vent. Santos, for some reason, Flame Strikes the vent. Horrible screams of pain emerge from below. He’s injured/killed/maimed the other patrons down below. Santos also does damage to himself.
Fenbel Tinkspinner surrenders to the heroes.
“We’re here to take you back to Falconcrest!”
“Sebastian Falconcrest? You might as well just throw down into that fire! Just kill me! Make it quick”
Santos casts Healing Spirit down the vent trying to rectify his error.
“You are needed in Valencia gnome! The Council wants our heads; Falconcrest said you had information needed to bring down the Council.”
To Traavor, “How did you end up with these people?! Clearly you’re all insane and have a thirst for blood! How about I give you the information and pretend you never saw me? I can t got back to Falconcrest. He needs me… Because I’m the one that… He needs me. I can’t. I’m in the worst possible situation. Think about it, I chose to live here with a bunch of vampires rather than go to Falconcrest. I’m just a book keeper.”
Bradek says, “Fuck this” and walks over to the gnome and picks him up by the scruff of his neck. “Enough talk, lets go.” Traavor turns into an ape and blocks the door.
Bradek picks up the magical sword. He feels a surge of sickness in his gut, hears a familiar voice in his head. But is sickened to the touch. NOBODY TOUCHES THE SWORD.
“We know that Falconcrest will kill you. But we can’t let you go. Instead, we can take you to the brothel in Oasis, the Spicy Harlot. You can work for Celine. You will be anonymous.”
“The one favor I ask is this, if you could just pay for one night, with a human woman for me… Lead the way I suppose.”
The four who slept go and retrieve their equipment while Santos goes to repair the damage he’s done. He uses Raise Dead in spite of the toll it takes on him. All but one of the deceased revives. Santos is weakened. Jeric remains with the gnome and Elera, now awake. The rest of the house, removed from its spell, looks dilapidated and spare. It is charred and sparse but suddenly vines, flowers and leaves begin to grow in place of the magic… Another illusion?
As they get back to Jeric in the white room. The room begins to shift again into a forest. Traavor returns to gnome shape. But is seated and in a trance. The forest magic is seemingly his. Jeric goes to slap him out of his new enchantment but fails.
Traavor says “Relax. The spirit that is here is not evil. It was being manipulated by Xian Vu.”
As the old façade continues to slowly fade away the forest oasis continues to grow. It feels formidable but it is safe and welcoming to the adventurers. Traavor creates a “door” and the harsh reality of the desert reappears. He begins to speak, “There is a spirit here that has been stolen, coopted. Turned against its nature. I am working to return it to its sanctuary. All that would like to leave will be safe. All that would like to stay may. You will also be safe.”
Jeric asks “Traavor, when will you go?”
“I don’t think I’m going to. I am going to stay. My work is to make this place safe again.”
“Tell us about the sword.”
“It was the sword of the master… It is magically potent. It is unholy and terrible. It is not welcome here.”
Ax raises his hand, “Wait… What the fuck is going on? Were losing the gnome and his dog? Everyone is ok with this?”
“Yea but were gaining another gnome”
“You sure everyone is ok with this?”
The band rests over night in the safety of the Traavor’s forest. All are healed and rested. As they exit into the desert once more the forest disappears into nothing more than a great, large tree. Huge and majestic. Traavor’s face seems etched into the large knot of the tree. Dioge rests comfortably by its roots.
“Before you leave, I ask you do one favor for me, It doesn’t matter what you do with it, but will you please remove the sword?” Traavor then wraps Vu’s sword in vines and places it into Taran haversack.
Goodbye Master gnome. And with that Traavor transforms into a demi god of the forest.
The adventurers teleport back to the brothel, The Spicy Harlot. It is bustling and busy as ever. They boys are excited to be in a familiar place where they are greeted by Celine, flanked by her guards. She opens up her arms.
“Didn’t expect to see us again so soon?” Taran asks.
“Soon? Its been over a year!” The gentleman are crestfallen. What magic is this?
She escorts them to their private area of the Spicy Harlot. She leads them to an area guarded by a Shield Guardian. Celine touches its chest and he turns and presses into the wall and opens up a secret room.
“I have paid serious gold to create this area for you. It is safe from scrying within or without. She removes carpet from the ground revealing three separate teleportation rings.” There is a large circular table in the middle.
Taran asks, “Madame Celine, we’ve been gone a year as you say. Has it been quiet? Have their been any inquiries about us?”
Yes there are two gentlemen here now actually. One is an old man. One is a fop. They came independently. But they are brothers in arms it seems.
She steps to a wall and presses on to a rune…. Immediately the wall becomes transparent and there is a view into the adjacent great room of the Spicy Harlot. “You can see out. They cannot see in.”
She approaches another wall and pulls open curtains to reveal numerous potions and bottles. “These are for you to use.”
Do you approve? There’s one more thing. She goes to the third wall.
This is a safe room. If ever you don’t want to be found… Place your hand on this rune and it will teleport your entire party to a safe room on the other side. Be warned though, it is not permanent and will kick you out in time.”
“Can you tell us about our new gnome friend? We promised him safety and possibly a job. He has information about the counsel of elders.”
“That’s a problem… I’m not so sure I want to house someone on Falconcrest’s naughty list. I didn’t think that the Golden Saviors would be in bed with Falconcrest.”
“Master Gnome, We’ve gone through great lengths to ensure your safety. Can you please now tell us what we need to know?” Santos asks
With that she leaves.
Bradek seems pleased but he announces to the group,
“My family needs me in Darmordir. This will be the end of the road. I’ve achieved my goal. We’ve returned Furnok’s shield.”
“There’s nothing left to prove,” Jeric says.
“Aye. The storms still coming boys. Its gonna get darker before it gets light. Ill take the last ride with you to Wyldshire but that’s as far as I can go. You’re on your own now.”
The gnome begins slowly and carefully… “It’s not much but it’s really important… The Coincil of Elders… they are terrible but what else? They are old? But how could they do that? They are killing children. They consume their life energy.” Ralen Mayswire is the man who finds the children. Falconcrest knows this information will bring down the Council. He’ll kill me.”
“The only reason I made this deal with Falconcrest was to get information on Ruger and Orcslayer who were trying to use dragons to destroy Wyldshire.”
“We have to give him this information. The only thing I ask is that whether he learns this or not, don’t divulge that it was me who told you. Tell him, I’m dead,” the gnome begged.
Celine presses the rune and the wall reveals the two gentlemen sitting together at a table playing cards. The first is an old man, Ax recognizes him as a man of the arcane. His companion, a human, wears a tri-cornered hat. “They say they have dire information for you.”
Taran rolls for Spot Check. He succeeds but notices nothing. The group approaches the men led by Taran. But the gentlemen dismiss him out of hand. They will only speak to Black Santos. They introduce themselves as Capt. S. Quavos Ashmoore and Eloric Jor and reveal that they are needed in Magehelm.
“We are headed to Wyldshire first.”
“What’s in Magehelm for us,” asks Ax “Aside from Furnok telling us that the answer was in Magehelm, why else would we need to go to there.”
Ashmoore reveals that he is without his ship as it was taken from him by a man named John Hunt.
“Why should we join forces with them? Can they be trusted?”
“Well, we’ve taken people into our party for stupider reasons,” claims Santos
Accompanied with their new companions should the group decide to teleport to Wyldshire? Shar (where Jeric is from and has been ostracized)? Magehelm (the answers to Shar are there)? Or to Valencia (to find answers about the people that issued a warrant for our arrest)?
“I’m not getting any younger. Lets pick it the fuck up. Lightball.” Says Eloric Jor (with some great roll playing by Eric)
“Were headed to Magehelm”
“Then there are a few things you should know…”
“That your scrotum hangs to the floor?” Eric is on a roll…
“… No. It is currently under attack by demons and the undead. The city has been defended by large metal beings that run on Essence. However, if they fall to the demons they are reanimated and their army grows larger… I once lived there, before the Cleansing of the Mages. When the Mages took over that place, I was taken hostage. I was freed by a Mage who took pity on me. And I escaped.”
As they discuss the best/fastest way to travel Axtrerrix goes outside and summons a dragon. Cause, why not?
Santos plans to teleport so he scries Alexander in Magehelm. Willpower check. He succeeds and sees hell on Earth. It’s a nightmare. Like Hell. Alexander isn’t dead, otherwise it wouldn’t work but it’s terrible. He can’t locate him in Magehelm but knows he’s there and its terrible.
Ax summons the blue dragon, Lorraxis, and speaks to him with Eloric Jor. The dragon reveals that for 5600 gold he can transport each of us to Magehelm. He also mentioned there are more in his brood, enough to carry all of us. They asked about hiring him to fight along side of them but to no avail. Its not worth it to Lorraxis. Nothing happening here but good info nonetheless. Ax first attempt at summoning… More to come.
The group decides that the most efficient course of action is to hire Lorraxis and his crew to take us to Magehelm. Ax recalls Lorraxis and the dragon is pissed. He notices Jeric immediately. “And who is this?” Unbeknownst to Ax, Jeric had once “possessed” a big red dragon named Raxis. It seems this is problematic to Lorraxis. Still, dragons appear and carry, without negotiation, the team to Magehelm. They stop halfway, approximately 4 hours from Magehelm, to rest and eat. The group dismounts and as the dragons prey upon a herd of goats, they are attacked by a larger blue dragon that kills Lorraxis and the other six.
And in this game of Dungeons & Dragons the boys must prepare, finally, to fight a mother-fucking dragon.
Capt. Quavos first attempts to shoot him with his crossbow but it bounces off hilariously . Eloric Jor and Santos buff. Alera cast Invisibility. Jeric casts Stone Piston and channeled Vampiric Touch. Taran buffs. Ax uses his new spell Starfall and knocks him on his big blue ass, he is blind and disoriented. The spell does major, major damage in all three attacks causing the brunt of the damage. The dragon recoils when it can but causes marginal damage considering Ax has blinded him and laid him prone after each attack.
The battle wages on and the dragon cannot overcome. As the dragon falls he announces through a guttural growl.. “Worgrave… Wor…” and slumps over dead.
With impeccable timing Eloric ponders, “Who’s hungry?”
With the dragon dead, the younger blue dragon, Lorraxis, lays dying muttering the words “Worgrave… Worgrave…”
Taran collects the dead dragons teeth. He gives one to Ax and keeps one to himself.
And with that we adjourn….