Santos's Journal - Year 10
My tenth year now. I’m afraid I have grown jaded a bit. Ever since last year with, my parents, the Necromancer. I don’t talk about it anymore. I don’t talk much anymore about anything. Prefect Leoht has left. He did not even say goodbye. He only left me a mace with an inscription, some limerick I think; I’m sure it’s from that book Élan Vital, “For in the darkest of nights / The deepest of blights / when nothing is right / you are the Light / When we’re gone / When we’re done/ When we’re All / When we’re One” I know it is supposed to be something inspirational or spiritual, but to me it is just a riddle. I understand the first part, not the second. All I can think is that Leoht constantly spoke of the Gods not being at odds with each other but balanced. Which is completely contradictory to the teachings of Light, and honestly a little depressing. If Leoht suggests that there must be balance, then there would always have to be evil for good to exist, which would make Shadow Theists correct. Maybe I just don’t understand. Maybe he wasn’t talking about religion at all.
The now CardinalRuger,has taken me to the Temple in Wyldshire. We sit and talk, never about the day in Melan, but about my training, my relationship with Light, any personal struggles I might be dealing with. I related that although I know much about life from my experiences and teachings that I don’t feel like I understand the true working of things. I explained that if there were a trap in the road I would not know how to disable it safely. The Cardinal responded though, that I would know the intent of the trap which is often times more dangerous than the trap itself. He said that it is the Mages who only ask how or why a thing works, but it is the job of true wisdom to ask the question of why a thing is. He walked to the window and said, “I serve the Light. He gives me strength to do amazing things, as he does to you. I have no idea what the mechanics behind such marvels are, but I know their purpose and where they come from. I have faith.” He turned back to me, “You will find in that world outside this window that faith is far more powerful and dangerous than knowledge. Knowledge can be challenged and as history goes on facts in science and math change. In time, a “learned” man will find that the truths he knew ten years ago are no longer true. The “smartest” men in history at one point believed the most foolish things. However, the faithful have never changed, never altered, and the truths they believed in the past are even more true now. Simon the Lightbearer believed in Light long before the Gods reappeared. His truth grows every day, whereas the Mages’ crumbles every second.” I find more and more every day that Cardinal Ruger’s reasoning has no holes, he deals in absolute wisdom that cannot be shaken or demoralized; and that is faith.
On one of the Cardinal’s recent visits, he offered me the opportunity to purge some of my nightmares from last year. That day has continued to haunt me. He said it will require an induced trance of sorts. I will be put under and when I awake, my pain will be eased and I will find myself closer to Light. It sounds like a simple choice. All the years I saw the Cardinal as a stern drill master. He rarely visited the monastery before, and when he did he was always so strict. I suppose it was because of the Rebellion, but now he visits a bit more to counsel those of us who passed the Reckoning, but I feel like he counsels me more than others. I am very lucky; having an ally like the Cardinal is like having the right hand of Light on your side. I will definitely be undergoing the trance.
I just finished the purging of my nightmares. I don’t remember waking up, I feel like the Cardinal was talking to someone else, but he mentioned I might hallucinate a bit. The Cardinal said I will likely need to go through a couple of more meetings like this before I am truly rid of the nightmares. Ultimately though my nightmares have lessened, and now when I do I am actually able to participate to some degree, I am stronger in my dreams, I can save my parents in my dreams. I asked some of the clergy whether a person can be brought back to life from being risen by a Necromancer. They all said that only Light had the power to do such a thing, that that can’t of divinity has been lost from the world. One clergy said that only a truly gifted Cleric could do such a thing. In my dreams I can achieve this. I will find a way to bring the dead back to life. I am sure there is a book somewhere that can teach me if none of the clergy can. I should ask the Cardinal. I bet that book, Élan Vital, Leoht was always talking about has it.